What a tragedy!  I put the last drop of syrup on my pancakes and now the container sat empty. Shaped not unlike the figure of my own grandmother, Mrs. Butterworth had given her all in the cause of tasty breakfasts. Her one purpose was to provide the finishing touch to a plate of crispy bacon, two eggs over easy, and a slice of orange. Now that was fulfilled and she was headed for the trash can.

Meanwhile, Honey Bear sat smuggly on the shelf. We have had Honey Bear for over a year ... << MORE >>

I know, I know. It's a holiday tree now. And the box in the garage says "Alpine Fir."  But for us it is still the hugely intrusive decoration we put up the Saturday after Thanksgiving (in between football games) and take down in mid-January. For us it is a Christmas (season)  tree.

For us it is also a source of amusement, angst, and argument. An essential element of the season is the annual "discussion" of when, where, how, and who, with an occasional why?  Why bother with a tree?  The children are gone; we ...

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I was nervous. I sat in the little diner waiting for the arrival of my old friend Peg. We both attended the same high school. Then we went off to colleges on opposite coasts and never looked back, so to speak.

Then came social networking and voile, Peg and I found each other again. We also found Jan, and Milly and Daphne and "Scooter."  The list of friends began to grow. The class clown, the most popular, the most likely to succeed all resurfaced!  It was fun to learn where we were now and ...

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It was a simple statement:  "I wish you had checked with me first."  I had no idea how many ways people could hear my words, and how strongly they would react to them.

One friend heard my words in a political framework. We were working on a project together for the community. He heard me saying that in fact I wanted the final say on anything and everything he was assigned to do.

Another team member nodded in agreement. She had a clear sense of the way the work ... << MORE >>

I have lost my cell phone again.

The first time was years ago.  I left it in a taxi in Newark, New Jersey. Well, I didn't exactly leave it there. It slipped out of my pocket, and when I reached for it hours later I realized what had happened. After that I made sure that I always put the phone in my purse or brief case when traveling.

This time I had it with me in the car going on a weekend trip. I had it in the Bed ... << MORE >>

Last year the family had a collection of little pumpkins in a basket on the table.  It was a festive addition all through the Fall until Thanksgiving.  After that there were candles and evergreens and angels to put in that spot.  So the pumpkins were tossed out the back door for birds and squirrels and deer to snack on.

In the Spring the family  remembered how much they enjoyed Fall vegetables like squash and pumpkin.  So they created a garden patch in a sunny spot and put in healthy plants.  All the tending and mulching, watering and fertilizing, however,  produced a disappointing harvest:  two oddly shaped globes more green than orange.  These were certainly not fit for our holiday buffet!

Meanwhile, meandering over the grassy bank  were vines and leaves and tiny bits of orange!  The little pumpkins that had been  tossed away had taken root, and without any effort or support from anyone, had produced fruit - enough to fill several grocery bags.  Happily the family carried them in the house, washed each little pumpkin with care, and put them all in the place of honor on the dining room table.

Have you ever had your expensive, labor-intensive project have turn out to be  a major disappointment?
Have you ever watched a new idea be rejected without a second thought?

Like the pumpkin patch in the story, organizations  may focus  attention only  on the "stars" in their leadership bench and ignore the folks who don't fit "the mold" for executive positions.  They may spend their resources on training and grooming that does not produce results, while the very  people and ideas needed to maintain or grow market share may be going out the back door because they no longer find the company goals challenging or the relationships satisfying.

Businesses who seek to hire and retain "people like us" may be missing the surprising growth  that can come with spontaneity, creativity, and diversity.

What are you growing in your company?

It's the feminist version of "Simon Says, " but the purpose is the same.  One person controls all the others by giving them a command and then requiring them to ask for permission to take the  action.

It is a children's game that somehow makes an imprint on our psyches.  We continue through life hoping for opportunities to be the one giving the orders, and then as our worlds become more chaotic we switch roles and look for someone to tell us what to do.

What about the boardroom?  the corporate suite?  the classroom?  the shop floor?  Is it  important for folks in those settings to be following directions, taking orders, getting the process right ?  I think that is what it takes to get results.  But what gets in the way of being effective is the "Mother May I?" requirement. 

When CEOs must take every initiative to the stockholder meeting for approval; when faculty must submit any revised lesson plans to a curriculum committee;  when line mechanics cannot make a process change without consulting engineering....precious time is wasted and, perhaps more importantly, creativity and innovation are stifled.

The old saying "ask for forgiveness, not permission" has limited application, but playing "Mother May I" has a downside as well.

Effective leadership is making the mission and vision for the organization so much a part of the work climate that folks can determine for themselves what is "out of bounds" and when they need to take their plans and ideas to someone else for approval.

Are you helping your people develop decision-making skills? 

Are you working to free yourself from your "Mother May I" role?

"You’ve got to first be a brother or sister in a group before you can talk about being a father or mother of the group. " 
 I am watching the water fowl around my community getting ready for winter.  It must be wonderful to be a little duckling, following along with all the others in the brood, splashing and playing, learning to dive for food and to preen away old feathers.  Imagine the comfort of huddling together beneath Mama Duck's wings when the cool evening winds blow across the lake. 
There is one little goose who, I have noticed,  likes hangin' with the ducklings.  She's been doing that all summer long.  Others have noticed and commented "She thinks she IS a duck!" 
Well, last week the geese started to become restless.  A few nights with the temperature below 50 degrees and the goose clan's thoughts turn to warmer climes.  Soon they will be heading south in their classic chevron formation.  And you may know that in that V, each of the geese can be called upon to rotate to the front and take the lead.
What about the goose that has been part of the duck family all summer? Will she join the journey?  If she does, can she be trusted to take the lead?
"You’ve got to first be a brother or sister in a group before you can talk about being a father or mother of the group. " 
In our organizations we often call leaders who have not been a part of the history, a part of the family, a part of the team.  And we expect people to fall in behind.  It isn't that easy.  Without a common identity and a shared vision, without strong relationships built over time leaders and followers may fail to communicate effectively.  They struggle to achieve their goals.

What are some of the ways we can help leaders emerge from our current teams?  When do we need to promote from within rather than hire from without?  When have you epected a duck to be a goose?

"And the Medal of Honor goes to..."  Those words were spoken again this week by the President of the United States.  Staff Sgt. Robert Miller died in action in 2008 in Afghanistan.  His parents were given the medal and told "Your son was a leader and a hero."

What is the relationship between leadership and heroism? Leaders have responsibility; they are "up front" if not physically, at least in terms of having organizational visibility and power.  Leaders model the way, inspire others, think strategically, develop their people...so surely Sgt. Miller was the leader of his unit of American and Afghan soldiers.

Heroes, on the other hand, are defined by their courage, bravery, and fearlessness.  Heroes are bold - either physically or morally.  They step into the brink and save the day.  Sgt. Miller and his unit were ambushed in the dawn's early light.  He ran forward and drew the fire so that the others could scurry to safety.  He continued to call out enemy positions while being fired upon.  Eventually the radio went silent.  Sgt. Miller acted with courage; surely he is a hero.

Can leaders be heroes?  When they act with courage and take risks that impact their organization, yes. 
Can heroes be leaders?  When they shoulder key responsibilities in behalf of others, sure.

I worked with Alex on a manufacturing re engineering project.  He was smart, insightful, and technically more savvy that I am.  It was a difficult project and when I would become most frustrated, Alex would always "save the day" with the perfect solution.  He was my 'hero' until I discovered that, unbeknownst to all of us, the roadblocks to the project were being created by Alex himself.  A comment here, a suggestion there, and quietly Alex had been sabotaging the work we had done the week before in order to become a hero the following week.

So motivation may be the key to understanding leadership and heroism.  I may aspire to lead others because of who I am, what I know, and how I act.  But aspiring to be a hero brings with it the shadow side of the need for approval and praise at the expense of others.

Leadership puts us in places where we can act in heroic ways.  Most of us would not choose that role.

Who are the leaders in your organization?  Who are the heroes?

The task was not difficult:  get the leadership team of an organization from the meeting site to a local restaurant. The name and location of the restaurant was provided verbally. Some generic directions were thrown out to the group, things like "turn at the Chik-fil-a" and "it's the second or third light heading south."  I knew the way and all agreed that they could just follow me. We all piled into our assorted car and headed out of the hotel parking lot.

Just beyond the hotel entrance the route required a right turn. ... << MORE >>